Thank you for your support! I have decided to change blog websites for additional features and security that another website offers. I encourage you to follow my new blog (which still retains all my old blog entries) at http://cmyjourney.wordpress.com/. As you will see, my blog has a new name ("this journey called life" was already taken... sad :/ ) I also have removed full names (including my own) for privacy purposes. Thanks for understanding these changes, and I hope you will continue reading on my new site!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Memories
I just got home from back to back camps, and came home to an empty bedroom. Since my bed was covered with all my junk I plopped down on my sister's bed to relax. My eyes quickly drifted to her picture board above her bed. Within seconds my eyes began to well up and tears threatened to burst forth. The longer I looked, taking in each face, each expression, each moment, the harder it was to hold the tears back. They finally came, and I let them slowly wash away the pain that had suddenly overtaken me. And the strangest thing was, I'm not in any of those pictures. They're mostly pictures of my sister and her best friend... well.. at least they used to be best friends. I realized that I wasn't just crying for myself; I was crying for my sister. My tears were for her loss and her pain and sorrow. Things change so quickly so fast. I remember taking some of those pictures, and being there for others. I hate change. I hate looking back and wishing for those days, knowing that they will never be again.
My thoughts shifted to my best friend... or at least..well... we're still friends.... I couldn't help but think how I would trade just about anything to re-live some of the memories we shared. If I could go back a year, or two or three years, and go through all the crap and all the hurt and pain I would do it, just to be able to live those good memories again. I would experience envying my sister for being so close with her best friend, I would endure all the criticism and hurtful words from my own best friend, I would re-live every painful and exhausting moment of every fight I had with my boyfriend last school year, all just to be able to have those few good days back. Those perfect moments when nothing could bring me down. There's a saying that goes "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." Well I think I have a right to do both. I know I can never bring those days back. Some things will never be the same.
Earlier today I tried to re-live a moment my best friend and I shared last summer on a road trip together. I had the windows rolled down in the car and blared Monster, by Skillet, on my iPod just like she did on her stereo throughout that trip. Maybe that's what triggered this unexpected flood of emotion tonight. As my spirit began to settle, simple lines formed in my head:
I never thought I would wish the pain back
But the memories cling to me
And I can't let go
Cause along with the ugly came the good and the beautiful
After the hurt came forgiveness like a flood
So let me cry, let me weep
I'll be okay
My thoughts shifted to my best friend... or at least..well... we're still friends.... I couldn't help but think how I would trade just about anything to re-live some of the memories we shared. If I could go back a year, or two or three years, and go through all the crap and all the hurt and pain I would do it, just to be able to live those good memories again. I would experience envying my sister for being so close with her best friend, I would endure all the criticism and hurtful words from my own best friend, I would re-live every painful and exhausting moment of every fight I had with my boyfriend last school year, all just to be able to have those few good days back. Those perfect moments when nothing could bring me down. There's a saying that goes "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." Well I think I have a right to do both. I know I can never bring those days back. Some things will never be the same.
Earlier today I tried to re-live a moment my best friend and I shared last summer on a road trip together. I had the windows rolled down in the car and blared Monster, by Skillet, on my iPod just like she did on her stereo throughout that trip. Maybe that's what triggered this unexpected flood of emotion tonight. As my spirit began to settle, simple lines formed in my head:
I never thought I would wish the pain back
But the memories cling to me
And I can't let go
Cause along with the ugly came the good and the beautiful
After the hurt came forgiveness like a flood
So let me cry, let me weep
I'll be okay
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